The answer is no. Its an illegal search n seizure!
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Too much gin, very little bucket
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Randomize
