absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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