First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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