I can text with my tongue
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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