Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Randomize
