Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
