I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
