Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
