Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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