yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize