Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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