i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
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