why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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