I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize