If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
