He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I am naked and annoyed.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
