yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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