Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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