Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
