You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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