She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
