Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
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