Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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