Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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