And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
