what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
