Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
