after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
