this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
