i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize