i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Sext me about skeletons
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
