This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
