She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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