After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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