First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
