i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
