C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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