just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
two words...techno handjob
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
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