We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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