He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
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