I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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