grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
