Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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