Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
