I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
