Duck Duck Cougar?
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
