I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Randomize
