What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
