Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
P.S. I can't hear my feet
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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