You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
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