I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
