I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Randomize
