I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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