She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
