Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
You ruined the universe
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
