Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
