I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
