Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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