Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
