matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
