im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
do herpes really smell.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
