When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
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