fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
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