im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
