You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
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