he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
