so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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