I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
