he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
