How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
