PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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